he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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