Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
