Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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