I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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