Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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