thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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