So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize