no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i think im in europe. pls send help
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
