WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
