Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
