how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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