he thought i was a dude.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
