could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
