fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
