Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
