I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
