Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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