So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
