That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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