we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
