I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
