u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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