Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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