You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
