sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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