Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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