I wannas sexs uuuuu
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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