You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Two words: nipple clamps
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