my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
