he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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