have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
