thus making me awesome and them whores
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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