I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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