I CAN MOONWALK!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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