She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
