I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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