I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
