With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
