Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
