i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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