i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
