There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
