he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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