The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
