So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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