I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
