i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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