if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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