my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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