I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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