your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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