i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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