I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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