oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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