I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
false alarm. still invincible.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
