I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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