my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
