Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
