I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
