when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
