i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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