Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
worst night to have a conscience
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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