I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
