I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
